Don’t for a minute imagine that just because I am a coach I have all the answers for myself all the time. There are days where just like everyone else I experience self-doubt, insecurity or my personal favourite, anxiety. For no particular reason I’ll wake up in the morning feeling uncertain and even a little panicky. Nothing major will have happened to cause these feelings, but there they’ll be…front and centre! And even though I know what needs to be done to rid myself of these emotions, I’ll find myself in a bit of a battle. Until I remember that pushing them away will only make them stronger and more powerful. That by trying to ignore that I am feeling a bit emotionally vulnerable or mentally anguished is not going to make me feel better; in fact quite the opposite.
Reciting positive mantras and trying to “pull myself together” is not the solution that I know works in these cases. What I do need to do is check in with myself and try to establish why it is that I am feeling this way. It’s a reminder that I might need to spend some time in quiet introspection, figuring out what it is that’s gnawing at my insides. Anxiety isn’t necessarily caused by something out of the ordinary. A situation or thought that was of no consequence yesterday, may cause uneasiness today. It depends on whether I slept properly, have eaten, am spending too much time alone or what professional challenges I am dealing with on any given day. And right now I have managed to identify the reason I am feeling like this…
the truth is that although I would love to be coaching full-time, building a business is not an overnight endeavour. To wave a magic wand and have a practice full of personally empowered and flourishing clients would be nothing short of magical, but these things take time. So I am presently looking for a job to supplement my coaching income. I have every intention of pursuing my recovery business on an ongoing basis, but there are bills to be paid and lofty aspirations, no matter how well-developed, don’t pay the rent.
A business plan and a great vision and mission are essential to the branding of a business, but I don’t have the luxury of spending all my time committed to the success of mine while someone else takes care of the financial aspects of life. Offering people a service such as recovery coaching is not as simplistic as simply opening the doors and watching a line form outside. There is a good deal of trust that needs to be established and a reputation that needs to be built. And these are elements of my business that require time, patience and nourishment. So back to the job hunting, which is nothing short of disheartening. For me it’s been a humbling lesson over the last couple of weeks as there are no recruiters banging down my door to even interview me, never mind hire me. So instead of simply submitting my CV with a whole pile of others I’ve come to the realisation (aided by the nudging of others) that I need to get out there and sell myself. The mere idea of that curls my toes, because I am not a personal fan of the “hard sell”. In fact I’ll g so far as to avoid the salespeople stationed around the malls and supermarkets on a Saturday morning who are trying to convince people to try a new product. But it seems that if I want a job in a market as depressed as this one, I’m going to have to stand out from the crowd. And voila! therein lies the root of my discomfort and anxiety!
So with just a little soul searching and asking myself the right questions I’ve been able to establish that it’s not just about having to put myself out there, but also the idea that I may have to deal with a fair amount of rejection. That even though I know that the positions I am applying for are well within my capabilities and skill set, doesn’t mean that the recruiters can see this by merely reading a piece of paper. By no means am I a wilting wall flower, but there are certain things that I do prefer to avoid if I can and being overly assertive with regards to myself is one of them. So now that I have identified the source of my upset I am going to spend a couple of hours writing out a plan as to how I should proceed. I have a couple of ideas floating around in my head, but putting them down into an action plan and giving myself some tasks and deadlines, is going to make this whole process far less intimidating and more manageable. Bit-size chunks and baby steps need to be the approach to this project of finding myself a source of extra income, just while I continue to build my dream and follow my passion.
It’s not exactly what I want to do, but it is what I need to do to ensure that I have the resources to go forward on this path I have chosen for myself.
‘Til next time